What would make this better? [on hold]
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Ba-bump. Ba-bump.
Eyes shined in darkness, glistened with tears. Man. Armed. Clean. His sister. Disarmed. Bitten. Blood poured from the wound as did their tears. Both grasped what this meant; both wanted to refute it. Yet, his hand seized the gun. Growls looming over them. She would turn, there was no doubt. Had seen it before. Seen it countless times. The infection was a shock to the system, it was his sister... his sister, he would have to do it lest he became infected as well. Emotions swirled chaotically around his eyes. Fear, regret, dread, despair.
Acceptance.
Ba-bump. Ba-bump. Bang.
story
asked 2 days ago
NotAGoodWriterNotAGoodWriter
1
New contributor
NotAGoodWriter is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
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put on hold as off-topic by Janus Bahs Jacquet, Cascabel, TrevorD, tchrist♦ 2 days ago
This question appears to be off-topic. The users who voted to close gave this specific reason:
- "Proofreading questions are off-topic unless a specific source of concern in the text is clearly identified." – Janus Bahs Jacquet, Cascabel, TrevorD, tchrist
If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.
add a comment |
Ba-bump. Ba-bump.
Eyes shined in darkness, glistened with tears. Man. Armed. Clean. His sister. Disarmed. Bitten. Blood poured from the wound as did their tears. Both grasped what this meant; both wanted to refute it. Yet, his hand seized the gun. Growls looming over them. She would turn, there was no doubt. Had seen it before. Seen it countless times. The infection was a shock to the system, it was his sister... his sister, he would have to do it lest he became infected as well. Emotions swirled chaotically around his eyes. Fear, regret, dread, despair.
Acceptance.
Ba-bump. Ba-bump. Bang.
story
asked 2 days ago
NotAGoodWriterNotAGoodWriter
1
New contributor
NotAGoodWriter is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
put on hold as off-topic by Janus Bahs Jacquet, Cascabel, TrevorD, tchrist♦ 2 days ago
This question appears to be off-topic. The users who voted to close gave this specific reason:
- "Proofreading questions are off-topic unless a specific source of concern in the text is clearly identified." – Janus Bahs Jacquet, Cascabel, TrevorD, tchrist
If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.
2
perhaps complete deletion...welcome to EL&U. We do not do proofreading here, or give writing advice. Sorry.
– Cascabel
2 days ago
add a comment |
Ba-bump. Ba-bump.
Eyes shined in darkness, glistened with tears. Man. Armed. Clean. His sister. Disarmed. Bitten. Blood poured from the wound as did their tears. Both grasped what this meant; both wanted to refute it. Yet, his hand seized the gun. Growls looming over them. She would turn, there was no doubt. Had seen it before. Seen it countless times. The infection was a shock to the system, it was his sister... his sister, he would have to do it lest he became infected as well. Emotions swirled chaotically around his eyes. Fear, regret, dread, despair.
Acceptance.
Ba-bump. Ba-bump. Bang.
story
asked 2 days ago
NotAGoodWriterNotAGoodWriter
1
New contributor
NotAGoodWriter is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
Ba-bump. Ba-bump.
Eyes shined in darkness, glistened with tears. Man. Armed. Clean. His sister. Disarmed. Bitten. Blood poured from the wound as did their tears. Both grasped what this meant; both wanted to refute it. Yet, his hand seized the gun. Growls looming over them. She would turn, there was no doubt. Had seen it before. Seen it countless times. The infection was a shock to the system, it was his sister... his sister, he would have to do it lest he became infected as well. Emotions swirled chaotically around his eyes. Fear, regret, dread, despair.
Acceptance.
Ba-bump. Ba-bump. Bang.
story
story
asked 2 days ago
NotAGoodWriterNotAGoodWriter
1
New contributor
NotAGoodWriter is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
asked 2 days ago
NotAGoodWriterNotAGoodWriter
1
New contributor
NotAGoodWriter is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
asked 2 days ago
NotAGoodWriterNotAGoodWriter
1
New contributor
NotAGoodWriter is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
asked 2 days ago
NotAGoodWriterNotAGoodWriter
1
asked 2 days ago
NotAGoodWriterNotAGoodWriter
1
1
New contributor
NotAGoodWriter is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
New contributor
NotAGoodWriter is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
NotAGoodWriter is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
put on hold as off-topic by Janus Bahs Jacquet, Cascabel, TrevorD, tchrist♦ 2 days ago
This question appears to be off-topic. The users who voted to close gave this specific reason:
- "Proofreading questions are off-topic unless a specific source of concern in the text is clearly identified." – Janus Bahs Jacquet, Cascabel, TrevorD, tchrist
If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.
put on hold as off-topic by Janus Bahs Jacquet, Cascabel, TrevorD, tchrist♦ 2 days ago
This question appears to be off-topic. The users who voted to close gave this specific reason:
- "Proofreading questions are off-topic unless a specific source of concern in the text is clearly identified." – Janus Bahs Jacquet, Cascabel, TrevorD, tchrist
If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.
2
perhaps complete deletion...welcome to EL&U. We do not do proofreading here, or give writing advice. Sorry.
– Cascabel
2 days ago
add a comment |
2
perhaps complete deletion...welcome to EL&U. We do not do proofreading here, or give writing advice. Sorry.
– Cascabel
2 days ago
2
2
perhaps complete deletion...welcome to EL&U. We do not do proofreading here, or give writing advice. Sorry.
– Cascabel
2 days ago
perhaps complete deletion...welcome to EL&U. We do not do proofreading here, or give writing advice. Sorry.
– Cascabel
2 days ago
add a comment |
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2
perhaps complete deletion...welcome to EL&U. We do not do proofreading here, or give writing advice. Sorry.
– Cascabel
2 days ago